The Melting Pot Project

Health Care Hiatus

Apologies for the silent week - I've been in bed with what seems to be pneumonia, and seeing as it's being overly persistent right as the holidays are coming up, I figure this would be a good time to make some necessary site updates, catch up on a few things, and also save my lungs before I need a transplant. Meanwhile, here are a few things, some new and some you may have missed over the past few days, to keep you busy:

• After months upon months upon Groundhog Months of health care debate, the Senate officially voted to put the matter of reforming health care up for debate. Also approved was discussion regarding Michael Jackson's death and whether or not Brett Favre will be returning for the 2009 NFL season.
   
• According to this recent survey by Public Policy Polling (brought to you by the letter P), an outright majority of Republicans believe that ACORN stole last year's election for Barack Obama. This news quickly stirred up a new Twitter meme which claims that, in addition to rigging the presidency, ACORN was also on the grassy knoll, helped Saddam hide his WMDs, and took Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never called her again.
   
• The record-breaking collection of zeroes that is the national debt is set to explode by $9 trillion over the next decade. Duh. But over half of that $9 trillion - $4.8 trillion, to be exact - will be nothing but increasingly large interest payments. Not so duh.
   
• Massachusetts gubernatorial candidate Charlie Baker has started a campaign to ruin the sanctity of lieutenant governorriage by selecting an openly gay running mate. This might not be particularly noteworthy if it weren't for the fact that Baker is competing for the Republican nomination, which now has the potential to make the GOP more confusing than ever. No, not that kind of confusing. That's the job of Levi Johnston's recently-released Playgirl pictures. (Link SFW, only contains news.)
   
• Recovery.gov, the Obama administration's web site dedicated to tracking stimulus spending, recently showed that North Dakota's 99th Congressional District had received over $2 million in funds to "save or create" jobs. But as all seventeen people in the state could tell you, North Dakota does not have 99 districts. (It doesn't even have two.) This was just one of 440 "phantom" districts that have sucked up over $6 billion in stimu-bucks.
   
• The Huffington Post ran a lead story that should be shocking, shocking I tell you: Commercial real estate is about to become a huge problem, with "zombie buildings" crushing property value. When asked about the possible effects this impending wall of defaults could have on the economy, Ben Bernanke responded by shoving a Twix into his mouth and mumbling incoherently. (Side note: Woody Harrelson has already agreed to star in Zombielandlords, which will open in 2011 if there are any movie theaters still left to show it.)
   
• Sarah Palin left a book signing in Noblesville, Indiana without getting to roughly 300 of the 1,000 people who had been promised a personal "you betcha" from the former Alaska governor, a move which prompted the teeming masses to gather around her tour bus and boo with all their booing might. Some angry attendees even loudly labeled the author of Going Rogue as a "quitter" for not adhering to the event's pre-planned schedule.
   
• In other news, a giant wave of irony has completely swept away the small town of Noblesville, Indiana.
   
• And just in case you couldn't get enough of the Thrilla from Wasilla, fear not - she's being cloned:
  
  
  
  

Enjoy your R&R, and try not to trample anyone on Black Friday.

Uncle Jay Texts the News

Or at least comes close:

See Spot. See Spot Run to Get His Tax Deduction Form. Run, Spot, Run!

As a happy dog owner, I think I can safely say that this might be the most preposterously godawful idea of all time:

PetExemption.com founders Leo Grillo and Robert Davi are pleased that the Humanity and Pets Partnered Through the Years (“HAPPY”) Act was introduced last week in the U.S. House of Representative.  The legislation introduced by Rep. Thaddeus McCotter (R-MI) is a federal bill that would reward pet owners by allowing them to deduct up to $3,500 for pet care costs, including veterinary services.

That's right. Pets as a tax deduction. The only thing this bill should be passing through is Spot's stomach on the way to a pooper scooper.

Seriously... Juice?

Taxes on soda are bad enough. But juice, too? Really?

Calling soda the new tobacco, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom will introduce legislation this fall that would charge a fee to retailers that sell sugary beverages.

Newsom would need voter approval to tax individual cans of soda and sugary juice, but only needs approval from the Board of Supervisors to levy a fee on retailers.

More House Than Ever

No, not that House.

Not many Americans know this, but the House of Representatives hasn't always had 435 members. (Actually, most Americans would have no idea that it has 435 members in the first place.) The size of the lower chamber has expanded several times over the course of its history, a pattern which has given the Senate a massive inferiority complex, similar to that of a man whose younger brother is dramatically taller and better-looking than he is. But the 435 number has stuck for nearly a century, despite the fact that the American population has exploded in the same period of time - not to mention the states we've added. So should we tack on a few new Representatives? Some say yes - and are suing to get it done:

The most populous district in America right now, according to the latest Census data, is Nevada’s 3rd District, where 960,000 people are represented in the House by just one member. All of Montana’s 958,000 people likewise have just one vote in the House. By contrast, 523,000 in Wyoming get the same voting power, as do the 527,000 in one of Rhode Island’s two districts and the 531,000 in the other.

That 400,000-person disparity between top and bottom has generated a federal court challenge that is set to be filed Thursday in Mississippi, charging that the system effectively disenfranchises people in certain states. The lawsuit asks the courts to order the House to fix the problem by increasing its size from 435 seats to at least 932, or perhaps as many as 1,761. That way, the plaintiffs argue, every state can have districts that are close to parity....

A proposal called the "Wyoming Rule" would provide for the state with the smallest population to get one House seat, and that state's population would serve as the population basis for House districts. Using the "Wyoming Rule" would provide for a current House of 568 representatives. The "Wyoming Rule" would also provide automatically for future population growth.

Many countries have lower chambers larger than our House. The US House is one of the smallest in the world among established democracies with over around 60 million residents.

It may seem like a bad idea on the surface, but expanding the House would at least guarantee the injection of some badly-needed fresh blood into the federal government. On that basis alone, it's probably worth the hassle.

This Ad Makes a Compelling Case. Guaranteed.

If President Obama can't guarantee that I'll live to be 175 years old, then damnit, his health care plan is just one giant death panel:

Remembering 9/11

What Would Jesus Fly?

I would like to remind you of the existence of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, please. 

We haven't talked about him for a while because he hasn't been selling Senate seats or claiming illegitimate children or punching out constituents at town hall meetings.  But that does not mean that he is not a fun politician.

I know that he is a fun politician because he has been flying to church almost every weekend in a helicopter.  Let me say that part again.  Flying to CHURCH in HELICOPTER.  How much do I love this?  A lot.

In May, June and July, there was rarely a Sunday when the governor didn’t board a taxpayer-funded helicopter to attend church services in far-flung parts of the state. He traveled by helicopter to churches less frequently in March and April.....

At least two aides usually accompanied him along with his security detail and State Police pilots. The public pays their salaries as well as the fuel and upkeep for the helicopter.

The helicopter that the governor uses the most costs $1,200 an hour to operate — about $45,000 for five months of church visits.

The real question isn't so much why he's spending taxpayer dollars to fly to churches every Sunday, but how on earth he finding so many churches with helipads?

If Only Ray Nagin Had Thought of THIS

In 2004 and 2005, Florida was hit by eight hurricanes.  Since then?  Zero.

So what changed?  What could possibly have happened in 2006 that meant that Florida would be safe from hurricanes?  Oh yes, of COURSE.  The gubernatorial election.  You see, as soon as Governor Charlie Crist got elected, he started praying.....

"Do you know the last time it was we had a hurricane in Florida? It's been awhile. In 2007, I took my first trade mission. Do you know where I went?" said Crist, a Methodist, referring to a trip to Israel.

He then told of going to the Western Wall and inserting a note with a prayer. He said it read, "Dear God, please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie."

"Time goes on — May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December — no hurricanes," Crist said. "Thank God."

Last year, Sen. Nan Rich was traveling to Israel and Crist asked her to put a note in the Western Wall, a holy site in Judaism and a place where written prayers are traditionally placed.

"It was the same note, by the way, the same prayer," Crist said.

This year a friend was going to Israel and he gave him a prayer to put in the Western Wall.

"You can do it on the Internet now, but I'd rather have it physically in there," Crist joked.

I, for one, say we elect the man president.  Goodness knows we could use this power to thwart a terrorist attack or two.  Of course that hasn't worked for Israel and they have the wall right there.

Maybe prayer only works for weather.

Dulce et Decorum Est

Uncle Jay talks about killing, crooks being paid to join a team, and a bunch of loud protesters. Oh, and also the latest Michael Vick news:

Not Everyone's a Comedian

Alright, Mr. The-Plumber.  This time you've taken it too far.

It was one thing when you just wanted be a plumber.  Never mind the fact that you didn't have a plumbing license.  I can respect the fact that you don't want to let The Man dictate when and how you fix toilets.

Then you wanted to write a book.  Still, not a problem.  Stupid people write books all the time (case in point).

I was even willing to accept your interest in running for Congress.  After all, in Congress, being retarded is essentially a prerequisite.

But this?  This is too much,  From Politico:

 "Joe the Plumber," has signed on as one of the stand-up comedians performing at September's "Funniest Celebrity in Washington" contest.

I'm taking this personally.

They Should Create a "Big, Fat Waste of Money" Alert Instead

A day that will live in infamy may be rapidly approaching. Once considered unthinkable, the Obama administration is now moving to dump one of America's greatest national treasures - our color-coded terror alert system:

The Obama administration next week is expected to create an official committee to consider modifying or even abolishing the widely ridiculed color-coded terrorism alert system introduced by the Bush administration after the 9/11 attacks.

Current and former government officials, who asked for anonymity when discussing nonpublic information, told NEWSWEEK that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano will appoint a "task force" made up of national, state, and local government experts, possibly including governors and mayors, to examine whether the color-coded system has outlived its usefulness. Bush administration officials who developed and oversaw the system may also play a role. The committee is likely to solicit comments about the alert system from industries affected by it, including airlines and companies that make or ship hazardous materials. The committee will have 60 days to examine the system and draw up recommendations on its future.

Hold the phone. They need a task force to determine whether or not this thing is useful or not? And this is going to cost how much?

I think I've found a "task force" that's already done the hard-hitting analysis necessary for a decision, and as a bonus, it's brought to us by the letter T:

Yeah, You're Gonna Need More Cover Sheets for Your TPS Reports, Yeah...

Want to learn about one of the possibly-infinite reasons for government being so slow and ineffective? Meet the form that must be filed to begin assessing the necessity of other forms:

Standard Form 152 is not a famous federal form like the Internal Revenue Service’s 1040. But for more than four decades, it has been assigned the job of standing sentry over other federal forms.

Agencies that want to create, kill or amend federal forms often have to fill out an SF152, also known as a “Request for Clearance or Cancellation of a Standard or Optional Form,” or file another form just like it.

In other words, the SF152 is a federal form that begets other federal forms — a dispenser from which red tape first flows.

Don't worry, these are the same people who will surely have the economy up and running again in no time.

Happy Fourth, Everyone

Now go blow something up.

Here Comes the Green Team

I wonder if there's any funding in the cap-and-trade bill for these guys:

Green Team from Will Ferrell

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Prescription Pad

An accurate cartoon if ever there was one:

I Believe It's Called a "Stopgap"

Quite the interesting description of how "clean coal" technologies, while obviously not capable of completely eliminating carbon emissions, can help to significantly reduce them - and how those technologies have been stonewalled like a Civil War general:

Reflecting this mindset, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has said he opposes integrated gasification plants — only new solar, wind and geothermal facilities should be allowed. Environmentalists who correctly point out there can never be absolutely “clean coal” thus end up in the position of opposing coal that’s far cleaner than what we are using.

Yet coal use is a future certainty. Half of our power comes from coal, versus about 2 percent from solar and wind: in the next few decades, green power simply cannot grow quickly enough to eliminate the need for coal. We have two choices: do nothing and wait for FutureGen while coal-caused carbon emissions continue unabated; or start building improved coal-fired plants that reduce the problem. Which seems more forward-thinking?

Freedom Isn't Free.

Overseas Votes!? They're Still Working on Minnesota

It should come as no surprise anymore when we read the latest evidence of government dumbshittery. At this point, whether or not we will even raise an eyebrow is up to the sheer scale of the idiocy.

This one ought to do it. One out of every four overseas votes didn't count in the 2008 elections. Even for the Government, that's a smorgasbord of SNAFU. That's over 100,000 votes that got left out--most of them from soldiers currently risking their lives for a country that excluded their voices.

The numbers in California were some of the worst--about 1 in 3 votes missed out on being counted. Back in the States, even a 1% error rate would have everyone teabagging their local election officials. I can't even imagine what would be nasty enough retribution for this: maybe 100 99 Senators, 1 cup?

Less Crappy News = Good News?

Uncle Jay can probably explain it better than me, but I think it works kind of like this:

1.  "Turd Sandwich" is currently bringing MPP the third-most traffic of any keyword/phrase.

2.  At least it isn't the #1 keyword/phrase.

3.  Good news!