The Melting Pot Project

Republicans Want to Party Like It's 1994

Back in Ye Olden Times, when pagers were cooler than iPods and most people used phones that had cords connected to them (I know, right?), the Republican Party came up with a nifty little plan called the "Contract with America." This contract was very popular with The People, and it helped the GOP take control of Congress in 1994. One change that the party had proposed on the campaign trail was a Constitutional amendment that would have set term limits for Senators and Representatives. Many Americans thought this was an excellent idea, and were therefore surprised that Congress would consider such a thing. Unfortunately, before the vote could take place, members of the House realized that they were, in fact, proposing an excellent idea, and the amendment was shot down.

Fifteen years later, Republicans are feeling unpopular once again, and have just been given the legislative wedgie that was the House health care bill. These are desperate times for the party, which means that desperate measures are on the table. And nothing says "desperate" quite like wanting to fire yourself:

A group of Republican senators is proposing a Constitutional amendment to set congressional term limits – 12 years for the Senate and six years for the House.

Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina says real change will never happen in Washington until there's an end to the era of permanent politicians. DeMint says lawmakers have been re-elected about 90 percent of the time over the last 20 years – because the system favors incumbents.

Saying the system "favors" incumbents is like saying Tony the Tiger "favors" Frosted Flakes. But there's something else the system favors - voting down Congressional term limits. The idea has been around since the days of the Founding Fathers (in fact, it was in the original Articles of Confederation), but somehow, Congress has never gotten around to limiting Congress' power. Mid-90's efforts by individual states to impose term limits on their own representatives - which initially succeeded in 23 out of 23 states, by the way - were struck down by the Supreme Court. Thus, the only way that this is likely to ever happen is by the amendment mechanism that bypasses Congress - at least 34 states calling for a Constitutional Convention, which opens up a much bigger can of worms.

In other words, if you want to see Congressional term limits, don't hold your breath.

The Womenfolk Cost More

See, if they'd just stop getting beaten, this wouldn't be a problem.

Apparently Pete Sessions made quite the interesting argument in the final hours of the health care debate in the House. Women, according to Sessions, should have to pay more for health insurance:

In promoting the House health bill, New Jersey Democrat Frank Pallone made reference to discrimination by insurance companies, citing their reluctance to insure people with preexisting conditions and differences in costs based on gender. "But that's not against the law," Texas Republican Pete Sessions said.

Pallone replied, "No, but we would make it against the law. Why do you have a problem with that?" he asked. "Why should a woman pay more than a man?"

"Well, we're all different," Sessions explained. "Why should a smoker pay more," he said before getting interrupted by a burst of chatter throughout the room.

An apt comparison. If women simply choose to stop going through five packs of vaginas a week, their costs will go down - everybody wins!

I'll See Your Crappy Nominee and Raise You an Even Crappier One

If the GOP's long, wandering, seemingly never-ending search for a leader results in this, they might as well call in Jeff Feagles and punt on the entire 2012 campaign:

Conservatives delighted in the ideological exuberance of Howard Dean's progressive youth, and they were unprepared for Barack Obama's slickly post-ideological campaign that drew on the left's energy while running a disciplined centrist campaign. We'll see if history repeats itself. Like a lot of people, my gut tells me that Sarah Palin or perhaps Mike Huckabee will be the Howard Dean of 2012. Of course, that would suggest that the Republican nominee in 2012 will be the right's answer to John Kerry, which is a prospect too disturbing to contemplate for very long.

Great Odin's Raven

It's surprising that this guy won, even in New York:

Republican Dan Halloran (that's him at right) won the race for New York City Council in Queens yesterday, despite a bunch of last minute articles focused on the fact that he practices Theodism, which involves Norse gods like Odin and Freyr.

I guess religion and politics can sometimes be separated after all. (Although if he tries to rename the Hudson River the "Hudson Fjord," this may have been a mistake.)

Dick Cheney Has an Evil Dead Hand

At least according to... well... Dick Cheney:

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It's Raining Republicans

First it was Virginia, where voters turned down the golden opportunity to play clips from "Mr. Deeds" to explain every action by their governor for the next four years, electing Bob McDonnell over Democratic contender Creigh Deeds. Then it was New Jersey, which will hand the keys to the governor's mansion over to Chris Christie, frequent "Sopranos" stand-in and good friend of Afghani presidential contender Abdullah Abdullah. Now all eyes are on New York's 23rd District (the first and last time that sentence will ever be written), where sorta-kinda-quasi-Republican Doug Hoffman narrowly trails Democrat Bill Owens. If Hoffman loses, at least one person has identified a key factor:

Still, it must be hard to get a crowd fired up. Even the name, "Doug." It's like someone started writing "Douglas" and lost interest.

"Bill," on the other hand, is riveting.

Arnold's Secret Message

The Governator has been increasingly frustrated with California's legislature during the state's budget crisis, and he apparently decided to vent a few days ago in a letter regarding "unnecessary bills." Here's an actual photograph of said letter:

Personally, I wish he had gone with a machine gun and a leather jacket, but, hey, clever word games are nearly as entertaining.

Republican Drops Out, Endorses Democrat

In what's being billed as the most cunning campaign maneuver since the days of Ross Perot, Republican Congressional candidate Dede Scozzafava has thrown in the towel on her bid to win the seat up for grabs in New York's 23rd District. This leaves two contenders, and, if you've been paying attention like you were told, you know that they're Democrat Bill Owens and Conservative Party/Giant Republican Voter Sucking Sound Party nominee Doug Hoffman. Normally, you'd expect a Republican to endorse the guy who's labeled "Conservative" and plans to caucus with the GOP if elected. But hell hath no fury like a Dede scorned:

Republican Dede Scozzafava endorsed her former Democratic opponent Sunday in the race for an upstate New York congressional seat, shaking up the contest for the second day in a row after exiting the race Saturday.

There must be some confused voters up in New York right now.

So That's Why He Always Stayed In That Underground Bunker

This little story from Conan explains a lot:

One of the top selling costumes this Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama called "Barackula." Also very popular is the vampire version of former Vice President Dick Cheney, called "Dick Cheney."

Three's a Crowd

Interesting race to keep an eye on - New York's 23rd District ("Where Bumblefuck isn't just a place... it's a way of life.") is holding a special election next week to fill the Congressional seat vacated by John McHugh. Normally, this would be pretty standard stuff, as House elections happen every two years, anyway; it's always campaign season. But this particular campaign has gotten interesting in a jiffy because it's become a real, honest-to-God three-horse race. The Democratic candidate, Bill Owens, and the Republican candidate, Dede Scozzafava, are facing a legitimate challenge from Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman. And when you take momentum into account, Hoffman is probably winning:

Among likely voters, Owens, an attorney, leads Hoffman, an accountant running on the state Conservative Party line, 33 to 32 percent, well within the 4 percentage point margin of error. Republican Dede Scozzafava lags behind at 21 percent.

Hoffman was polling in the teens a month ago. The trickle of defecting Republican voters has turned into a flood, and it's unlikely to slow down.

Maybe the White House Needs a First Stress Ball

Republicans are harping on President Obama for playing more golf than President Bush did, but David Letterman doesn't think it's a big deal:

I mean, it's no secret, if you're the President of the United States, the pressure is incredible, unrelenting, it will crush you. You've got to get out and do stuff. You have to take a break. You have to go play golf. You've got to ride a bike and go jogging. You have to shoot a hunting buddy in the face. I mean, it will kill you, the pressure.

Bush Should Try Living in a Van Down by the River

I've heard that's a good way to improve your motivational speaking skills:

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Law & Executive Order

When he was on the campaign trail, Candidate Obama made some very encouraging, American-sounding remarks about torture, secrecy, and the total disregard for the law that had become a hallmark of the Bush administration. But President Obama seems to think that President Bush was actually smarter than your average guy who says "misunderestimated," because the policies that made Candidate Obama so mad are rolling right along:

The Obama administration has clung for so long to the Bush administration’s expansive claims of national security and executive power that it is in danger of turning President George W. Bush’s cover-up of abuses committed in the name of fighting terrorism into President Barack Obama’s cover-up....

In Britain earlier this month, a two-judge High Court panel rejected arguments made first by the Bush team and now by the Obama team and decided to make public seven redacted paragraphs in American intelligence documents relating to torture allegations by a former prisoner at Guantánamo Bay. The prisoner, Binyam Mohamed, an Ethiopian-born British national, says he was tortured in Pakistan, Morocco and at a C.I.A.-run prison outside Kabul before being transferred to Guantánamo. He was freed in February.

To block the release of those paragraphs, the Bush administration threatened to cut its intelligence-sharing with Britain, an inappropriate threat that Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton repeated....

In the United States, the Obama administration is in the process of appealing a sound federal appellate court ruling last April in a civil lawsuit by Mr. Mohamed and four others. All were victims of the government’s extraordinary rendition program, under which foreigners were kidnapped and flown to other countries for interrogation and torture. In that case, the Obama administration has repeated a disreputable Bush-era argument that the executive branch is entitled to have lawsuits shut down whenever it makes a blanket claim of national security. The ruling rejected that argument and noted that the government’s theory would “effectively cordon off all secret actions from judicial scrutiny, immunizing the C.I.A. and its partners from the demands and limits of the law.”

Hey, Polls: You Down with GOP?

Like, really, really down?

Only 20 percent of adults identify themselves as Republicans, little changed in recent months, but still the lowest single number in Post-ABC polls since 1983. Political independents continue to make up the largest group, at 42 percent of respondents; 33 percent call themselves Democrats.

The Republican Party has officially become the 1 out of 5 dentists who doesn't recommend Trident. (I guess we now know that he doesn't recommend a public dental plan, either.)

So Much Crazy, So Few Words

Bill Maher masterfully uses one sentence to sum up Michele Bachmann's time in Congress:

The floor of a cave called; it wants its batshit back.

"I'll Only Make Things Worse... And That's a Promise!"

New Jersey, where the hair gel flows like wine, has a gubernatorial election coming up. Normally, voters would be enthusiastically lining up behind whichever candidate had made them better offers that they couldn't refuse. But this year, Jersey residents have come to the conclusion that both of their options stink (which, granted, is something most of the state should be used to by now, so these guys must be extra-pungent):

“I’m voting for the lesser of two evils,” Laurie Moss, 59, a secretary from Cherry Hill and a Republican, said in a follow-up interview, explaining that she favors the governor’s re-election though she thinks “he speaks with a forked tongue.” She added: “I’m not happy with our property taxes. I’m not happy with a lot of things. But Christie doesn’t offer anything better.”

Steven Schwartz, 55, a litigation consultant from Montvale and a Democrat, said Mr. Corzine has “mishandled the fiscal side” and done a poor job of working with legislators. But he said Mr. Christie has offered nothing but vague promises. “He’ll cut spending and taxes and restore the property tax rebate. How?” he said. “If ‘none of the above’ were an option, I would take it.”

Oddly enough, there actually are places that have a "none of the above" option in every election. This allows voters to treat a collection of unpopular candidates like somebody driving too slow on the Turnpike. If the most votes go to "none of the above," nobody wins and a new election with new candidates is held after a short amount of time (different areas have different gaps between votes).

Sounds like an even better system than a bunch of roads that make you turn right to turn left.

You Must Be Over 18 to Laugh at This Story

Newt Gingrich has had quite the year when it comes to lofty recognitions. First, he had to recall his 2009 Entrepreneur of the Year award because he accidentally gave it to a porn executive. Then he had to take back the exact same award because he gave it to the owner of a topless bar. And now Newt's on the receiving end of an honor that he'd probably rather avoid - the 2009 Family Values Porn Fan of the Year:

The award was created by Allison Vivas, the porn entrepeneur who was originally scorned by Newt's, erm, premature acclamation. Her company even came up with the lovely virtual plaque seen above. Odds are this one won't be rescinded.

The Elephant in the Tubes

After following one leader who thought there were multiple Internets and nominating another one who admitted that he didn't know how to use email, the GOP recently decided that there might just be something to that Web-o-sphere thing and designed a flashy new website. Shockingly, the launch has been a bit shaky. So it's no surprise to already see a list of the top ten reasons the new site isn't exactly setting the world on fire:

10. In a section devoted to "future leaders," there were none.
9. In the subsequent rush to get up a "future leaders" page, they choose "you."
8. The last GOP accomplishment cited on the accomplishment page was from 2004.
7. The what's up page -- hip! starts with this sentence: ""the internet has been around for a while now"
6. Administrator passwords were accidentally posted.
5. When the RNC hosted a kick-off conference call, the website was down.
4. The website cites Jackie Robinson as a GOP hero. Robinson wasn't a GOPer, and he criticized the GOP on race. Robinson left the party because of its views on race. He had been, as a reader points out, a Republican for many years.
3. The first question on the conference call was from an Hispanic Republican who asked why the GOP site didn't have a Spanish-language page and noted that the White House had one.
2. Bragging about web redesigns is so 2004.
1. It's not timed with the start of any major advocacy campaign -- or political campaign. And it portrays itself as something it's not: diverse and ready to embrace new ideas. That may be what the party leadership aspires to, but, at least when it comes to diversity, a few pictures of Hispanics and African Americans doesn't make up for ... well, the history of the party.

Hey, What's the Medal for Fourth Place Again?

Copper? Tin? Or maybe just a t-shirt from Vegas:

This was a summer of discontent for Democrats as they lost control of the health care debate, the economy continued to founder and their approval ratings slipped, both in Nevada and nationally.

But Democrats’ troubles haven’t brought a surge of new voters for Nevada’s GOP.

Republicans have added just 1,549 voters since February, when the secretary of state’s office cleaned up voter registration rolls. Democrats, meanwhile, added 4,860 and nonpartisan registration grew by 3,783. Even the hard-right Independent American Party registered more Nevada voters in that span than Republicans.

“Coming in fourth? Ouch,” said Erik Herzik, a professor of political science at the University of Nevada, Reno, and a registered Republican.

I think Reagraham Lincool needs to schedule a trip out west to help with the GOP's brand name.

Woohoo! Failure!

Last week, President Obama tried and failed to inject some Chicago Hope into the International Olympic Committee's decion regarding the 2016 host city. Upon hearing about the IOC giving the French Judge Treatment to Chi-town, it's safe to assume that most Americans would react with a bit of disappointment. But, like a bunch of Jamaicans in a bobsled competition, there were a few people who, uh, stood out:

- The newsroom of the Weekly Standard burst into applause.

- Rush Limbaugh admitted “For those of you … who are upset that I sound gleeful, I am. I don’t deny it. I’m happy. Anything that gets in the way of Barack Obama accomplishing his domestic agenda is fine with me.”

- Glenn Beck broadcast “Please, please let me break this news to you. It’s so sweet.”

- Red State’s Erick Erickson wrote "Hahahahaha."

- Michelle Malkin and Newt Gingrich tweeted gleeful messages.

- Newsmax tweeted “ChicagP\/\/n3D!”

Celebrating some sort of election victory, or even a big win over some piece of legislation, seems pretty normal. But celebrating America losing out on hosting the Olympics just because Obama really, really wanted it? Jesus, why not just take a piss in Michael Phelps' pool?

(By the way, gratuitous insult: "Erick Erickson" might be the dumbest name in the history of names. That is all.)